As parents, we all love our kids and hold the best intentions for their holistic growth and development. Still, in moments of frustration, most parents end up saying things like, ‘Why can’t you be more like your class topper/neighbor/cousin?’ Even if you aim to help your kids evolve into their best version, such messages can gradually destroy their confidence and self-worth. We at Delhi Public School Sushant Lok, positioned among the top 10 CBSE schools in Gurgaon, believe such instances of judging and comparing kids against others of their age can have far-reaching consequences on their psyche.
Moreover, comparing kids with others isn’t justified and rational because every child has unique growth patterns, learning styles, etc. Their genetics and environmental factors also influence their learning and growth trajectory. Even two siblings can have widely different developmental milestones, achievements, behaviors, etc., which is normal. If parents don’t stop judging and comparing their kids with others, the kids will most likely experience the following consequences over a period:
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Lowered Self-Esteem and Confidence
How would you feel when you’re constantly being compared with your peers? While you may ignore it initially, persistent comparison and judgment will make you doubt your capabilities and affect your work quality. The same holds true for your kids. If you knowingly or unknowingly compare your kids with others of their age, they will become critical of their self-image, believing they’re incapable or not worthy. It will instill a fear in your kids that will stop them from trying new things, halting their overall progress.
If you don’t want your kids to live with a fixed mindset that their abilities are set in stone, you must stop comparing or judging them. Understand that each child is unique and has a distinct growth journey. A better way to help them grow is by becoming their mentor who leads with empathy and nurtures the child’s unique strengths and gifts.
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Anxiety and Stress
We at Delhi Public School Sushant Lok have observed that kids who are often compared and judged for their academic performance, communication skills, behavior, etc., are more prone to stress and anxiety. Since they are surrounded by a high-pressure environment, they gradually slip into survival mode, where their only task is to prove their worth. It often leads to chasing perfectionism and developing a chronic fear of disappointment.
Such pressure eventually manifests in physical symptoms like stomach aches, headaches, sudden emotional outbursts, etc. Hence, parents must offer a supportive and safe environment where the child feels secure in being their authentic self. When parents start prioritizing their child’s effort over results, they notice remarkable growth.
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Strained Relationship within the Family
It has been seen that one of the biggest consequences of constant judgment and comparison is broken families. As much as people may not want to hear this, it is the easiest way to emotionally distance kids from the family. For example, if parents compare two siblings constantly, the one feeling ‘less than’ will emotionally drift from other family members. It may even turn the kid into a rebel or compel them to distance themselves from the sibling and parents.
Sometimes, parents unconsciously compare their kids, and this leads to exacerbating tensions. Hence, if you want to avoid such situations in your house, make efforts to never compare or judge your kids. There are better ways to guide children with their weaknesses, so always look for healthy alternatives that contribute to your environment’s peace and joy.
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The Potential of Developing Unhealthy Competition
Comparison and judgment can never motivate a child to improve; it only breeds an unhealthy competitive spirit. When children notice that they are only loved and valued when they achieve something significant, they unknowingly become obsessed with outperforming others. This obsession with getting results often deviates them from their personal growth journey, tempting them to indulge in undesirable actions, like cheating, sabotaging others’ efforts, etc.
While such actions may go unnoticed initially, they will always lead to massive consequences in the long term. For example, an individual only focused on winning may begin avoiding activities they’re not initially good at, making them miss out on crucial learning journeys. We encourage parents to focus more on their child’s achievements instead of comparing them with others. You can always become their mentor and guide them on how to perform better without making them question their worth and capabilities.
Conclusion
Parents often resort to comparing their kids with others performing better than them to help their kids grow. While the intention is for the child’s highest good, the method could have been better. Here, we at Delhi Public School Sushant Lok, one of the Top 10 Best Schools in Gurugram, would like to recommend encouraging children by highlighting their areas of concern in a healthy way and not by putting them down through persistent judgments and comparisons. When parents become their child’s mentor, they not only strengthen their parent-child relationship but also foster heightened self-awareness, confidence, resilience, and emotional intelligence—all of which contribute to a successful life.