5 Habits of Parents That Make Their Kids Grow into People Pleasers

“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” – Paulo Coelho

Being a parent, don’t you always wish to see your children behaving well with others? And it’s no wonder if you keep on directing them on how to behave and act when dealing with others. We at Delhi Public School Sushant Lok, one of the top 10 schools in Gurugram, understand that the key intention of parents behind doing so is to aid in the development of strong social skills in their children. While we are not denying the importance of fostering social skills in children from a young age, it is crucial to draw a fine line between inculcating social skills and unknowingly encouraging people-pleasing behavior among kids.

For the uninitiated, people pleasers are the ones who constantly go out of their way to make others happy with the intention of getting into their good books or becoming more accepted by them. Such harmful behavior often comes at the expense of their well-being and can damage their sense of being, confidence, and self-worth. If you want your kids not to grow into people pleasers, avoid following the below-mentioned habits:

• Minimizing Children’s Emotions

One habit that unknowingly promotes people-pleasing behavior in children is ignoring or minimizing kids’ emotions. It can take place in different forms, like ignoring or belittling their feelings or even dismissing them frequently. For example, if parents dismiss their kid’s emotions by using phrases like ‘Don’t be silly, it wasn’t that bad,’ when their kids express their feelings about a particular event, it makes them feel their emotions aren’t valid. Over a period, children start ignoring their own emotions and begin prioritizing others’ feelings. This leads to building up of acute people-pleasing behavior in children.

 

• Constantly Rejecting Their Requests

Though this is a seemingly harmless habit, in reality, frequently rejecting your kid’s requests without giving them a proper explanation can give rise to people-pleasing behavior in them. When kids’ requests are constantly rejected, they start feeling a sense of powerlessness. As a result, children start keeping others’ emotions over their own since they feel their emotions won’t be taken seriously. The easiest way to prevent your kids from becoming people pleasers is by explaining to them why you’re rejecting their requests.

 

• Getting Angry on Every Action

We at DPS Sushant Lok understand that parenting is indeed tough, and parents can lose their temper for various reasons. But if you frequently get angry at your kids, it develops a sense of fear and anxiety in them. Over a period, kids start prioritizing others’ emotions to avoid upsetting them. Parents should become more communicative and calm with their children instead of throwing tantrums or yelling, or resorting to any harmful behavior that can damage the kid’s sense of belongingness.

 

• Using Guilt, Shame, and Punishment to Control Kids

Some parents use punishment, shame, and guilt to control children when they do something wrong. Although correcting kids is important, picking the right correction method is equally important. Constantly making them feel ashamed of their activities can quickly turn them into people pleasers. They may start doing it to avoid experiencing any negative consequences, like getting shamed or punished. If your kids are indulging in bad or hurtful actions, start by explaining to them why their actions are not acceptable instead of punishing them. The more you communicate to reinforce positive behavior, the better the results will be.

 

• Rewarding Children for Being Compliant

A habit we strictly ask parents to avoid is making a habit of rewarding children for being compliant. When parents reward kids for being compliant, children may start seeking approval and prioritizing getting rewards over doing things that are right for them. Parents should instead encourage their children to develop their opinions and think for themselves. For example, whenever a kid disagrees with your ideas/opinions, don’t force them to be compliant. Instead, communicate with them to understand why they’re disagreeing and offer to come to a better solution/idea that works for everyone.

 

Conclusion

We at DPS Sushant Lok, recognized among the top schools in Gurugram, firmly believe that conflict is a natural part of everyone’s life, but it shouldn’t be dealt with people pleasing. However, what generally happens is that parents often unintentionally indulge in patterns or harmful behavior that turns their children into people pleasers. This ends up affecting their quality of life.

If you want your kids to become independent and capable of standing for their best interests, you should get rid of habits that are unknowingly pushing them to become people pleasers. Notice if you have accidentally been following any of the five habits discussed above. If you’ve been following these habits, take action to get rid of them for your kid’s best interest.